Ch-ch-ch-changes

Lately I've been researching a new (to me) subgenre from the self help section of the bookshops, all about babies and birth and stuff.

This has been quite a revelation. I mean Kaz Cooke's Up the Duff does have a week-by-week narrative about the oddly named Hermoine* and her experiences with six different health professionals as her girth expands and there is a baby at the end (I sneaked a look at the last chapter) but, by and large, these books they lack a lot in the areas of PLOT and CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT and include a lot of things to give potential parents of a nervous disposition NIGHTMARES.

Worst of these is The CHOICE Guide to Baby Products.


Look at the gorgeous little thing on the cover. How cute. What a happy sausage!

This is exceptionally misleading. This book should be subtitled "3000 ways in which you can cause your child's DEATH or DISABLING INJURY by shopping poorly."

Indira Naidoo has been the face of Choice for the past few years. As I was reading each section about HOW PRAMS CAN KILL and SAFE BATHING I heard her dulcet tones in my head, telling me that I need to be vigilant all the time and I can't do something as simple as letting my parents send me the cot used perfectly safely by my grandmother, her brother, my father and at various stages by me, my siblings and my niece and nephew. If a cot doesn't comply with the Australian and New Zealand standard of 1998, sleeping could be FATAL for your baby. Apparently.

It's all a bit hard really. Luckily, I've got this far without major misadventure and, in a week or two, if all goes well, touch wood and fingers crossed, I should get to test my compliant baby transportation, storage and washing equipment.

In the meantime, I'm going to catch up on some books with plots.

*The MOST IRRITATING NAME EVER because everyone who's read Parade's End or Harry Potter or Greek mythology is used to seeing "Hermione" and I was hoping it was a typo from the first edition but someone gave a me a more recent copy** that STILL called her "Hermoine" and it's spelt this way on her website.

** Yes I have two copies of the same guide to having a baby. If you'd like one, please let me. Strangely, my friends without children are reluctant to take the spare just in case they might need it some day