The Theatuh, Darling

On Saturday night, we went and saw a play at the SBW Stables Theatre, a tiny space in the Cross where, if you don't sit three rows back, you're just as likely to be spat on by the actors. We saw lots and lots of spittle heading towards the people in the first two rows and thought ourselves very sensible.

My Beloved was disappointed in the sparseness of the set because he likes to know that the backstage people have gone to a bit of effort. But I don't think he realised how hard it would have been to make an architect's model of a huge development that took centre stage for most of the play. The thing LIT UP with the flick of a switch. There were little bushes and trees and the fake grass that you can buy from model railway shops. It was lovely!

What was even sweeter was Alex Dimitriades's bio in the program. Now, there's a secret language to theatre bios. This particular theatre's programs generally have professional black and white photos of all participants in the production: playwright, director, lighting design, actors etc. They're listed in alahabetical order. So far so, I don't know, Pram Factory or People's Republic of Brunswick. Each actor's bio, as a rule, lists their participation in every single amatueur or professional production since primary school and, this is important, without any dates eg "Chatswood Drama Society The King and I , The Lane Cove Players Annie, Sydney Theatre Company The White Deveil. Only the true fan would be able to tell whether they haven't trod the boards for ten years or are major stars.

Then there'll be the occasional film listed. Again without dates. You're left to ponder whether you haven't heard of a film because you weren't born at the time or if it was one of those 10B disasters that no-one saw. Then, and only then, will dreadful plebeian television be mentioned. (Incidentally, it's amazing how many people in Sydney plays claim to have worked on Farscape. Not that I could tell under all that blue bodypaint.) You can read 150 words wondering why someone looks vaguely familiar to find they did three seasons of Neighbours, Water Rats or, more rarely, Home and Away.

In contrast, Alex Dimitriades's bio begins:

Alex is an award winning actor who has worked extensively in film and television. His film roles include Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo...

On ya, Alex.